Zazen: Burn Out or Fade Away?

"...the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide" - Tyler Durden from Fight Club

The are few real "goals" to zazen; the doing is the goal. You sit, stare at a wall and get yourself some peace and quiet from a loud and ever-changing world. You also get some coveted alone time with the universe, which is fairly tough to come by these days. Not that I blame the universe; it has an infinite number of constituents and a secretary who still schedules appointments on a Palm Pilot.

One of the main ideas of zazen is the concept of "falling off of body and mind". Brad Warner refers to it as "thinking not thinking", and I like that description very much. You just kind of think nothing and, when thoughts DO come up, you just sort of let them fly off. What happens to a small, smoldering ember when you don't blow on it or give it any kindling? It dies out. The same goes for thoughts: without actively giving them energy and cultivating them, thoughts fall away. 

Thoughts can be quicksand. The more you struggle against them and try to get away, the further down you get pulled. One of the biggest lessons of zazen practice is being able to actively control which thoughts are cultivated and which thoughts are allowed to burn out and fade away. Learning how to not energize undesirable thoughts and how to cultivate desirable ones is easily one of the most tangible and applicable lessons of Zen. 

Gym Zen - The Will to Truth

I don't remember the exact time that I started to stop lying to myself about sport, but I have a pretty good idea. I had just gotten back from a very successful dryland bobsled camp in Park City. I made all the qualifying times for the combine and actually scored relatively well (numbers translated to "World Cup brakeman", whatever that means). One of coaches had said I should stick with it and keep working because I had great potential. Surely my invite to winter camp in Lake Placid was just a phone call or email away.

I checked my email religiously. Nothing.

I checked voicemails like it was my job. I "star-69'd" three telemarketers in the hopes that one of them was the head coach of USA Bobsled, extending a heartfelt congratulations and asking when I could move into the OTC.  Nothing.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I realized that this wasn't a communication breakdown. I think it was somewhere around the time that summer combine dates were announced in the following spring. Yes, I have a very thick noggin from rugby.

I can, however, tell you when I finally stopped lying to myself about sport. It was about twenty minutes after I finished an awful Olympic meet (see "How to go 2/6 in an Olympic Meet") last December. I spent that summer/fall training as Ivan Abadjiev had trained his Bulgarian champions. I trained every day, twice on the weekends, and did the classic exercises daily. I also squatted daily. For some variety, I did a max jerk and some chins to give the legs a "day off". I also managed through a new job working in derivative trading. There was only work, training and sleep. My body felt great and set PRs for the first eight weeks, then went to hell in a hand basket right before the meet. My results speak volumes.

Where does this incredibly long-winded example get us to? Shobogenzo! Dogen believed that the Will to the Truth is a vital aspect of Zen Buddhist study. And it sounds great, right? So easy; just seek the truth and accept the truth as it is. Everyone seeks the truth, right? Everyone wants the truth and everyone wants to accept the truth, right?

Can I handle the truth?

Everyone thinks that they seek the truth and they will accept it, but do we really?

I think most people see "Seek the truth and accept it for what it is" as a call to identify all of your faults and all of the shitty things that you've been glossing over. This is FALSE. Well, it's sort of false. It's true that we should fully realize and accept the faults or things that we have been lying to ourselves about, because this is the first step in addressing them or at least the first step in reducing their power over you.

One of the biggest issues as it relates to acceptance of the truth is the need to compare ourselves to one another. We measure our success by creating an imaginary battle in our minds between ourselves and some we classify as a "measuring stick". Conversely, we find someone at the top of the sport (Klokov, the strong guy in the gym, etc) and logic dictates that, if we train as this person trains, we will have comparable results. We "know" that these methods aren't rational and untrue, but we haven't accepted it.   

I think that I'm starting to seek the truth. Well, I think I've always looked for the truth, so it might be more accurate to say that I'm starting to accept the truth. The main thing I'm starting to wrap my head around is as follows:

"I am no longer qualified to train myself as a competitive athlete"

This stings, as I have what you'd consider to be decent credentials and previous experiences. I've held CSCS and USAW certs, an undergrad in sports medicine, two years spent as an intern and as an assistant strength coach at a Division I university, a couple Top 3 finishes in lightweight strongman, an All-American year of collegiate rugby and some close calls with the US National rugby team plus the previous brush with bobsled glory. I troll EliteFTS and I consider Michael Keck, Jen Comas Keck and Jen Sinkler to be friends. Surely I'm qualified to train myself for athletic endeavors, right?

No, I am not. That is the truth. I am qualified to make adjustments specific to my body. I'm ok at coaching other people as far as technique and making suggestions, but not in writing any sort of full training program. In no way, shape or form am I qualified to be giving myself a full program. I also have too many biases to previous training experience and certain methodologies. Upon full realizing this, I made some decisions and reached out to some coaches to provide higher level guidance. This has lead to some PRs and a nice reduction in BF from 14%-sub 11% through some nutrition coaching from Michael Keck. Yes, I mentioned Mike twice (now three times), because he knows his shit.

So what can I say? Find some truths (positive AND negative) and fully realize them for what they are. In realizing and accepting the truths, they cease to have power over you and you can either address them or simply move on from them. As with most things (especially as it relates to the gym and sport) this is a very simple endeavor, but it is not easy. Fully realizing truths, whether they are positive or negative, will lead to making good choices. As the below scientific diagram shows, good choices = awesomeness.

Thanks to Steve Pulcinella for the above graphic as well as his help writing my training program and providing some coaching for Highland Games. Steve's lifting program as well as throw coaching has yielded mucho PRs. Some slow-motion throwing breakdowns here, but be warned: I practice in Rehbands and they do not leave much to the imagination.

Gym Zen: The Prequel

Shelby Starnes over at EliteFTS posted some quotes from an author, punk rock bassist and Zen Buddhist named Brad Warner. Brad has written a few books on Zen, his most notable are Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up. I've always gravitated towards Buddhism but I don't know much about Zen, so I picked up Sit Down and managed to blow through it. Twice. I'm currently going through it with a highlighter in a vain attempt to retain all the good things in that book. It also inspired me to pick up the translation of Dogen's Treasury of the Right Dharma Eye (Shobogenzo), in order to find a different perspective and start to reach my own conclusions.

I tend to relate things through training and competition, since that's one of the things that has been a constant in my life for the past 12-14 years (give or take a couple injury years). So, with any luck, this will be the first part of a series relating some aspects of Zen to training and competing in sport. My intention is to focus on each of Dogen's main themes of Buddhist study and (try to) draw some parallels and applications to them in the athletic world.

I do my best to write things in the "this is me" tense, rather than the "Here's what I do/did, why you should do it and why everything I do is awesome" tense. One of the bigger concepts I've found in Zen is that we all experience the world uniquely. This seems like a fairly obvious point but it's something that we forget in our day to day lives. My experiences (in training and competing, in relationships, in professional endeavors, etc) are unique from yours and I try to keep that in mind.
So, Dogen. Dogen basically summarized Buddhist study into four basic principles:

1. Establishing the Will to Truth: You have to regard the truth, in all its black and white glory, as your ultimate goal. You also have to be willing to accept what is true, regardless of how you feel about the matter.

2. Deep Belief in Cause and Effect: Dogen believed that the entire universe follows the rule of cause and effect without exception. This is the toughest one for me to wrap my head around, because we as humans live to create exceptions to any rule. "This isn't right, but...".

3. Life as Present Action: Love this from Sit Down, "At best, past and future are reference material for the eternal now. You can dream about the future, but no matter how well you construct that dream, your future will not be precisely as you envisioned it. The world where we live is existence at the present moment." Self-explanatory, no?

4. Zazen: Zazen is the form of meditation in Zen. Dogen thought that zazen was a vital part of experiencing the world as it truly is. Whether or not you care to dabble in meditating or not, the root idea is getting some quiet time to not think (read that again: NOT think) about anything at all. I think we all agree that a little more quiet time would hardly be a bad thing, right?

So there's the primer. Fire away with questions, comments and concerns and thanks very much for taking the time. Now your daily affirmation: